By The Babes (Katie Harbinson and Maddie Womack)
Art by Sarah Forgey & Whitney Young
Sometimes I reminisce on the first and only time I did poppers (an inhalant that causes muscle relaxation and dilation of the blood vessels)—on the dancefloor of a local queer club on a night out with friends. Over the sound of thumping bass, a mustached man dressed as a pilot educated me—a queer woman in her twenties—on how to inhale it properly, and then immediately asked if my butthole felt loose. I didn’t notice it. And come to think of it, I don’t often notice my butthole. Honestly, I neglect it sexually, mainly because I don’t know enough about it to incorporate it regularly.
Anal has been a thing for forever. We know this. It’s also a popular and pleasurable sex act in the gay community, and amongst queer people with penises in general. So much so, that cishet men will avoid washing their asses to avoid being perceived as gay. I don’t know—I heard it on TikTok. But if you’re homophobic, chances are you’re unsanitary. I don’t make the rules.
Anyways, dicks. If you’ve got one, you’ve got a prostate. It’s suspiciously located similarly to where the G-spot would be found and is referred to as the “P-spot” sometimes. Aka, it’s got the potential of pleasure on its side. It is possible to have an orgasm via prostate stimulation via the anal wall. This is also called milking and can be a masturbation tool. Not all people like having their P-spot stimulated, which is cool, too.
Anal play can be pleasurable for those with vaginas, as well. There are a bunch of nerves in there, and the clitoris can be stimulated internally via the anal wall, depending on your anatomy. As someone who doesn’t engage in much butt stuff, I personally feel uncomfortable during the times I have dabbled in anal or anal play because I’m so worried that the internal contents will become ~external~. A very valid fear for an anal newbie.
But we Babes believe knowledge is power, and we hope to reduce or quiet those anxieties with a little bit of education. As a novice in this subject myself, I’ve set out to research how to incorporate more solo anal play to feel more confident in anal play with a partner—without the poppers 
Tips for a first-timer
The first stop in our booty journey is checking in with the professionals. Kristen Thomas of Open the Doors Coaching is a clinical sexologist, and I trust her with my life. And sex life. I highly recommend reading Kristen’s article Nothing Wrong with Playing with Your Booty for a deep dive into all things anal.
See, we told you she rocked. Now for me, my biggest takeaways for my situation are:
Go slow and be patient
The sphincter is a muscle that is constantly contracted—make sure to breathe and allow it to soften its death grip on its own time. There’s no rush! Slow down and have some fun.
Massage first
Use your own finger or a partner’s finger. The outside of the anus can be stimluated too, which is super fun! There are plenty of nerves around the anus that want attention, too. Also, nothing wrong with a little booty eatin. Toss those salads, and if you have sanitary concerns, dental dams are your best friend. (Want to know how to turn a condom into a dental dam? Check out this video.)
Use lube. Lots of lube.
The anus isn’t self-lubricating, and a slick surface is key to minimal tearing. You can never use too much lube, and the average person likely uses too little. Take more than you think you need.
Keep things as clean as possible.
If you’re going to stick something in an anus, make sure to retire whatever was being used to penetrate afterward, or thoroughly wash the body part or toy with mild soap and warm water. Truffle Butter is a lovely song, and also a lovely place for bacteria growth. The risk of E. Coli is real, and poses a major danger of UTIs.
Although I’m not planning to share ALL future endeavors between me and my own fingers, I do plan to incorporate some external massaging next time I masturbate, and we’ll see where that takes me. I’m an impatient person, but I will take my time for the sake of my butthole. I also intend to purchase a toy, because I have a theory that external vibration will help relax the sphincter muscle. And I will share the list of options I’m considering for when I do eventually graduate from prerequisite school.
I’m really excited to expand my solo play, and tap into a new type of pleasure. Here are some toys we plug. (Hehe, get it?)
Toys we plug
Starter plug
“Pinky-sized plugging for slinky tushie loving, the Lovehoney Classic Extra Petite Butt Plug is a tiny toe-dip into anal play fun. Discover the intense extra pleasure that can be gained from even the smallest insertable, and play safe with the flared base.”
Starter kit
“Simple to use, this product is perfect for beginners. Get ready to enjoy the peak in sensual pleasure.”
Confetti starter kit
“Firm, smooth finish silicone” “Secure, stay-put shape”
Vibrating plug
“With a manageable tapered body and ultra silky smooth silicone, the Petite Sensations Vibration Anal Plug is a beginners must have and sure to get you excited about anal play.”
Vibrating toy
“Much like its diamond beaded cousin, the stunning Lolli Plug 2 is endowed with three bulbous beads of increasing size and boasts two strategically placed motors for deeply tantalizing backdoor pleasure.”
These cute candy heart plugs
“We love these curvy, tapered-tip plugs with their heart shaped bases and cute little messages. Each color has a customized love note: Be Mine, Do Me Now, or Spank Me. These mid-sized plugs may be a little bit girthy for novices. Use plenty of water-based lubricant for ease and comfort of insertion.”
Until next time,
THE BABES
Katie Harbinson (she/her) is a Kansas City transplant with a background in political campaigns. She is passionate about disability representation, breaking down the gender binary, and homoerotic undertones in her favorite TV shows. When not trying to convince her partner that they need to adopt another dog, Katie can be found consuming copious amounts of coffee and sarcastically commenting on the current political climate.
Maddie Womack (she/her) is the Founder/CEO of Barrier Babes. Her degree in Community Health and Minor in Women, Gender, and Sexuality Studies reflects her passion for healthcare and equality within it. Through an intersectional lens, Maddie strives to find spaces to not only include sex education, but require it.
Sarah Forgey (she/her) is a graphic designer based in Kansas City. She works as an experiential graphic designer at The Nelson-Atkins museum of art, where she designs everything from postcards to exhibition graphics, signage to event branding, and everything in-between. In her free time she can be found watching movies with friends, consuming a shocking amount of drag content (IE anything involving Trixie and Katya), and reading a horror book at a coffee shop.
Whitney Young (she/her) is a photographer, graphic designer, and conceptual artist who currently resides in Kansas City, MO. She is passionate about the environment, local communities, and intersectional feminism, and those values often show up in her personal work. She received her BFA in Design with an emphasis in Photo Media from the University of Kansas. When she isn’t working her day job in marketing she can be found playing video games or bouldering at the local Kansas City climbing gyms.
Photo by Good Bodies.